Poor, Jennifer Lopez. Coitada. How many first singles does she have to throw out before people on iTunes, radio and Twitter will give her the time of day? After the Lola alter ego and its "buzz" single "Fresh Out the Oven" flopped harder than Aretha Franklin's cleavage once the iron bra comes undone, J.Lo launched her REAL single at the American Music Awards, performing the song live with a boxing motif. She also fell squarely on her ass during the performance. Maybe it was an omen. The song was dead on arrival at radio and it hasn't even been released digitally on iTunes.
Here are 4 reasons why J.Lo's 'Louboutins' single has failed to take off:
1. Label whoring as the centerpiece of a pop song is so 2000 and late. In the last decade, it was all the rage to center your songs around not-so-cleverly-placed product placements. We "passed the courvoisier" with Busta Rhymes and stomped with Nelly in his "Air Force Ones" but few seem interested in doing "I-don't-need-u-no-mo" walk-off in Louboutins. Sorry, Jenny, you're tardy for the party.
2. It's the economy, stupid. With unemployment at 10 percent and luxury sales crumbling right before retailers' eyes, this really wasn't the time to release a song touting high-end fashion excess. If J.Lo had hollered at Payless or Walmart maybe more ladies could've related. And bragging about your luxury items in this climate seems about as PR-friendly as three automotive CEOs taking a private jet to Washington DC to ask for billions of dollars in bailout money.
3. That hook is weak. And by weak that doesn't mean it doesn't get stuck in your head. It employs the same propaganda-like repetition technique of the makers of "Head On," but repeating "I'm throwing on my Louboutins" 20 times a strong chorus does not make. The-Dream and Tricky coulda done better than that.
4. The milk's gone sour. It's incredibly ageist to say this, but maybe J.Lo should just retire from the music biz. Let's face it, given her vocal abilities, she's gotten way more than what she should have out of the music industry. And a 40-year-old mother of two competing with the likes of Rihanna, Beyonce and Britney for "I'm so through with you, boo" songs seems desperate. And maybe, just maybe, the lack of vocal ability is catching up to her. After all, if Cassie is struggling to land a hit, how is her older counterpart supposed to fare?
