(A guest post by Bitternut Crunch)
In early 2009, Flo Rida graced us with the greatness that is "Right Round," a semi hip pop cover of Dead Or Alive's 1985 song "You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)." This powerhouse #1 single proved that the balance of good and evil is very much alive and thriving. Though the single burned up radio and dance floors all over, a terrible byproduct came about: The world was introduced to Ke$ha.
Though Ke$ha's appearance on Flo Rida's track wasn't necessarily offensive to the ear, her warped ego hit big time when she opted not to be credited (or paid) as a featured artist on the single so that she could gain street cred as a legitimate artist in her own right. The fact that this sad individual, who seems like the poor man's, last resort, Garpage Pail kid version of Lady Gaga, considers herself a legitimate artist is simply laughable.
For starters, Ke$ha has a voice that is comparable to the sound of two cats having sex. And I don't mean two sexy pussycats at their peak, I'm talking about two aged, busted up, starving alley cats, each with one eye and mangy, matted fur.
Ke$ha's musical styling can best be described as white pop singer turned rapper. But we've already got Fergie for that and she does it so much better. "Tik Tok," Ke$ha's lead single, and its apparent success is the perfect example of what's wrong with the current state of American pop music. The song gets a pass purely for its energy, nobody is bothered that the lyrics are reprehensible or that Ke$ha's autotuned-to-hell-and-back voice makes Cassie sound like Toni Braxton. It's got a nice beat! Should I be surprised? Not really. Americans elected George Bush...TWICE! So if a bigoted, homophobic moron can be elected as president for two terms, clearly Americans let go of any semblance of standards long ago.
As if Ke$ha warbling through "Tik Tok" like a dying albatross wasn't heinous enough, she doesn't even have the decency to make it up as a cute pop tart. With the sex appeal of Hagrid of Harry Potter fame, she struts her purposely rugged and disheveled self in the equally shameful music video that pretty much looks like every stereotype of white trash regurgitated and stewed.
But Ke$ha's reign of terror doesn't stop with "Tik Tok." As we speak, her debut album, appropriately titled "Animal," is number 1 on iTunes and two of her songs, "Tik Tok" and "Blah Blah Blah," hold the top two positions on the iTunes songs chart.
As a longtime music fan, "Animal" as an album was so offensive to my senses that I gagged at the sonic diarrhea spewing from my speakers and infecting my delicate auditory system. Ke$ha's voice is practically raped by autotune and synthesizers and hurled against uninspired, embarrassingly juvenile lyrics and carnival-style electro beats. The whole experience is like eating three-day-old leftover Chinese food: It smells funny, doesn't taste as good as you remembered it and leaves you on the porcelain throne with your intestines trying to turn themselves inside out.
I fear for the future of pop music if this rank rubbish reigns supreme. I hope that talented and relevant pop divas (*cough*LadyGaga*cough*) with real talent and an album worth listening to, knock this dodo bird off the charts. It's time to put this animal down.
