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You can run, but you can't hide, Lil' Weezy. Judgement time has come for Young Money's captain, Lil' Wayne, and he bid a very sad farewell (via Rap-Up.com) to his fans on Ustream last night. But with Weezy looking to spend nearly a year in prison, how on earth is he going to pass the time?
Here are a few suggestion:
1. Read all the works of Shakespeare and incorporate Elizabethan English in his next album Why not? Half of the time what Weezy is saying is mumbled jibber jabber, so why not throw a little Desdemona, Romeo, Juliet and Hamlet in the mix? Think about it, "Mrs. Officer" remixed in straight-up Elizabethan English. It can't fare any worse than his rock album idea.
2. Draw new tattoos on himself There's got to be at least one millimeter of flesh on him that isn't inked. A pinky toe, the armpit, somewhere. Or he could do the reverse and start removing his tattoos to give himself a clean canvas like Pharrell. Think that big ol' pink eraser will do the trick?
3. Braid inmates hair and do cornrows He's gonna have to keep up with his hair in jail anyway, so he might as well do other dudes' hair and make some money. Or maybe he can do hair for extra mayo on his sandwich or something. Either way, he must play Mario's "Braid My Hair" at all times while working on someone's head. It just lightens the mood.
4. Put on a prison off-broadway version of "The Carter III" With Jim Jones landing his own off-broadway play about his life and Green Day launching a musical based on their album, "American Idiot," musical theater is totally the new celebrity perfume. Prison hides some real, raw talent that someone like Wayne, with his golden ears, is perfectly poised to unearth. Plus, a prison rendition of "Lollipop" is bound to get the inmates poppin'. Shawty want a thug...
5. Listen to Mariah Carey albums and sob in the corner Believe it or not, Mariah Carey has gotten many a thug through his time in prison. Just ask Snoop Dogg, who gushed that "Vision of Love" gave him life during his stint in the slammer. Lil' Wayne is truly blessed because Mimi has so much more to offer in her catalogue now than when Snoop was doing time. From sassy classics like "Heartbreaker" and "It's Like That" to tearjerkers like "Through the Rain" and "We Belong Together," Lil' Wayne can cry (or laugh) himself to sleep every night with the melodies of the butterfly-loving pop diva. He should just be careful of who he sings "Touch My Body" around.
