Nicki Minaj is the light, the way and the truth but when she got on Ustream to celebrate the release of her new video and single "Massive Attack" with her "Barbz," the elevator didn't make it all the way to the top floor. Wearing a lime green wig, Nicki goofed off with her fans soliciting their phone numbers so she could call them one by one, thank them for their support and scream, "It's Barbie, BITCH!" at the end of the call. How sweet.
But her fans were a bit more revealing than they should've been. And no, this has nothing to do with any lack of clothing, but rather a lack of common sense and self-awareness. While the chat box on the Ustream page exploded with adoration, Nicki struggled to draw conversation out of people who in one minute begged her to call them or they'd die, and in the next minute, sounded like they'd rather be braiding Ke$ha's matted hair than talking on the phone with their idol.
Nicki called several fans as the night went on and the script sorta went like this: Nicki excitedly announces herself. Fan responds with the level of enthuisasm you'd expect if a bill collector were on the other line: "Oh, hey." Nicki cheerily chirps, "So what are you doing?" The response? A flat "Nuffin'. Watchin' yew on Ustream." Nicki and her assistant Safari were both caught off guard by the lack of enthusiasm of the callers and they repeatedly asked, "Are we interrupting you?" No, these people were interrupted long ago.
There was one fan, a Ken doll (male Nicki Minaj fan) named Johnathan, who was positively tickled pink to be on the phone with his idol. He told Nicki that he was such a huge fan that he could imitate one of her raps with dead-on accuracy. Nicki took him up on the challenge. The Ken doll then proceeded to spit Nicki's whole "My Chick Bad" verse in a spot-on imitation of the Young Money diva. Thank God Nicki was making phone calls and not video conferencing, because you know he would've put on his pink wig and Freddy hands and acted out the whole thing if given the chance.
A few famous "friends" dialed into the party line, including Diddy, who was basically promoting his appearance on American Idol, Jae Millz of Young Money, who apparently just got out of jail, and Trina, who appeared confused by the whole Ustream thing. But Trina wasn't the only one out of sorts. After attempting to dial a Barbie living in the UK for over an hour, Nicki and her assistant finally realized that the reason they were unable to reach overseas fans is because Nicki's cell phone plan didn't have international calling on it. This after Safari, Minaj's assistant, first surmised that landline phones weren't built to dial London. Save the babies, Lord.
The pinnacle of the Barbie tom foolery came when Nicki asked a fan if she was West Indian. The girl replied, "No, I'm from Jamaica." Baffled by the contradiction of the girl's answer, Nicki tried to politely point out that Jamaica is considered a part of the West Indies, but it was too late. The jokes had already been tweeted.
It's well known that stans aren't the brightest groups of people. After all, in order to qualify as a stan, it takes a complete lack of critical thought, independent analysis and self-esteem to pull it off. But Nicki Minaj's stans might just be a whole new class of buffoonery. Especially since her fanbase ranges from high school age kid to 30-year-old women, and they all don't mind acting a fool on the internet over her. It's a massive jumento attack, please wear a helmet.
