Back in the day, they used to warn MC Hammer not to "hurt 'em." These days, the only person in danger of being injured by Hammer is himself. The man is his own worst enemy and somebody really, probably ought to save him from himself.
The "2 Legit 2 Quit" rapper has decided to go on a suicide bomber mission against Jay-Z after what he perceived to be a "diss" in Jay-Z's verse on Kanye West's "So Apalled," in which Jay said that he was so rich that losing $30 million wouldn't hurt him like it hurt Hammer.
Somehow, Hammer took offense at Jay-Z dissing his accounting skills, even though it's public knowledge that Hammer did end up broke as a joke. In a series of tweets in which Hammer deemed Jay "Hell Boy," essentially cashing in on the hyped Satan-worshipping Illuminati noise that has been making its way around the internet in recent years, Hammer vowed he would retaliate. Here is the heat-seeking missile Hammer is aiming straight at Jay-Z.
Somebody help Hammer, help Hammer, cause this ain't the way for an icon in hip hop to go down. First off, plugging the laughable mixed martial arts crew that he manages/owns at the beginning was utterly pointless and a waste of everyone's 1 minute. Secondly, the Evangelical Christian angle on this "diss" song is inconsistent and bizarre. Like how do you threaten to bust someone in their mouth and baptize them in the river Jordan in the same breath? What Bible verse was it where they talked about busting people in the mouth? Jesus got a mean jab? Lastly, on what planet did Jay-Z try to "steal" Hammer's swag, as he alleges in the song? About the only thing Jay-Z and Hammer have in common is that they're both black men in their 40s. Who's Hammer fooling?
A viable music career has long been crossed off the list of options for Hammer, but he's trying to force something with this "beef" with Jay-Z. The problem is, there's no red meat here. Hammer is not a legitimate threat so Jay-Z isn't going to respond. And if he did, it'd be like the Incredible Hulk stepping on an ant. The jigging and devil-chasing-in-the-woods tom foolery also make this dispute impossible to take seriously. But in Hammer's head, he's a heavy weight champion who just scored a TKO. Stop the madness and stick to reality TV, Hammer. Get you one of them VH1 reality shows the other oldies.