Bark + Bite

Kim Kardashian phones in dull performance in "Jam," her pop star debut

Paris Hilton did it, so why can't Kim Kardashian, right? These days, everyone and anyone can take a crack at pop stardom. No doubt Kim Zolciak of Real Housewives of Atlanta has inspired many more marginally talented primadonnas, debutantes and jumpoffs with the success of her stunt single "Tardy for the Party."

And that's all fine and dandy. Unlike rock music or rap, credibility as an artist matters less in pop music and as long as you can sell us something fun, catchy and infectious, then the thin vocals and limited artistic abilities will be overlooked. (See the Jennifer Lopez chapter in the book of pop music history)

But Kim Kardashian couldn't even be bothered to get the blood flowing for her pop debut "Jam." Her vocals are flat and uninspired, much like her performance in that overhyped sex tape with Ray J. Her energy level isn't discernible as she never really varies her tone to emote anything resembling human emotion. Kim coos "Turn it up, turn it up, DJ" but she sounds about as thrilled doing so as she would ordering Chinese takeout.

The only point at which the song gets tolerable is when The-Dream — who hopefully was paid handsomely for his services as the mad doctor to this Frankenstein creation of pop music — drowns her out with background singers, autotune and layered vocals. Let's hope Kim Kardashian's foray into pop music is as successful Paris Hilton's and that it's all over with before Kim does long lasting damage to the public's hearing.

Listen to Kim Kardashian's attempt at singing for yourself below

Happy Halloween, from your favorite rappers and singers

Lady Gaga's not the only one who's into playing dress up. Halloween is the perfect time to let the imagination run wild and your favorite musicians are no different. Above, Rihanna gets intimate with a skull while over in London. The singer had a busy Halloween weekend performing on SNL in New York late Saturday evening, and hopping on a private jet immediately after to hit the UK for a performance on the X-Factor.

Check out more celebrity ghouls and goblins below

The 5 wild hairstyles of Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair" video

If Willow's neck-snapping jam "Whip My Hair" left people with the impression that she wasn't a kid to be messed with, the music video left all doubts behind. Nine year old Willow Smith managed to put on a full-on, outrageous hair show worthy of the Bonner Brothers Hair Show all by herself in her nearly 4-minute long music video. If Chris Rock decides to put together a sequel to his Good Hair documentary, he'll have to devote a sizable segment to Willow's wild styles and this song.

Take a look at the 5 hairstyles that Willow brought

Celebrities and drugs: Happily never after

This year has been a bad year for celebrities and their “recreational activities.” It seems like every week someone famous is getting arrested for possession of some illegal substance.The reigning queen of Hollywood narcotics, Lindsay Lohan, even joked about her frequent run ins with the law earlier in the month on the VMAs, only to turn right around and fail a court-appointed drug test. During her skit with Chelsea Handler at the show, Lohan commented that “nobody wants to work with a drunk.” She’s completely right. Be it drugs or alcohol, even suspected drug use can put a damper on an artist’s career. Here are a few examples: 

Ciara is the weird kid no one wants to sit with

The music business is a lot like a high school cafeteria at times. Both have their respective cliques. There are the bullies (see 50 Cent), the ladies men (Trey Songz and Drake), the pretty girls (Beyonce, Rihanna), the weird kids (Lady Gaga and Adam Lambert) and there’s also that one guy who seems like he’s way older than everyone but just too damn cool that no one ever says anything (that would be Jay-Z). It’s inevitable that there is one kid, who try as they might, can’t get that often coveted spot at the popular table. 

Right now, the entertainment equivalent of this high school character is none other than Ciara. She’s just about covered all the attention getting basics: Cutting her hair, performing everywhere but the opening of a funeral home and trying to keep up with the trends no matter how played they are. She’s taken the "kitchen sink" approach regaining her relevancy. She even crowed about her pre-taped Chevy commercial with N.E.R.D. at this year’s VMAs, pretending that it was a "performance" at the VMAs. Call her Ms. Fantastic cause homegirl is stretching and reaching on an extraordinary level.

Thank the butcher! Lady Gaga's VMA meat dress didn't stink of rotting flesh

Photo credit: Wireimage

Lady Gaga has done it again. She made herself the talk of the town with a fashion statement that cut straight to and through the bone. Lady Gaga's meat dress, as it has been affectionately dubbed, is the most talked about award show dress since Jennifer Lopez's tropical rainforest dream of a barely there Versace gown at the 2000 Grammys. Everyone wants to know more about the meat dress. What kind of beef was it? How was it made? Did it stink? Will it get its own VH1 reality show?

With regard to that question malodors: The answer, apparently, is that no, the meat dress did not "stink." At least that's what an MTV insider said. Maybe he just went overboard with cheap drug store deodorant body spray that night and subsequently lost his discerning sense of smell?

"It didn't smell at all," Ernesto Elias of MTV Music and Talent, who escorted Gaga to and from her seat throughout Sunday's show, told MTV News on Thursday (September 16). Although Gaga was rocking pounds of raw meat under the glare of the Nokia Theatre lights, Elias said the fleshy frock wasn't gag-inducing. "I actually was able to get a picture taken with her and kinda touched it. It was just your regular old feeling of meat." Source: MTV.com

The fact that the meat was raw raises another question: How long ago was this whole thing assembled? Did they keep it in the fridge until it was show time? So many meaty questions.

For those who are vegetarian or vegan, sorry. Maybe she'll rock a carrot top next year for you. And for those who prefer chicken over red meat, hey, a little iron never hurt anybody. For those who prefer fish: What kind of cruel monster are you? Can you imagine if Gaga sauntered past Rihanna, Drake and Katy Perry in a sardine dress? Sure, dumpster baby Ke$ha probably wouldn't flinch, but the rest of the auditorium would retch and pass out. Nobody wants to smell Chicken of the Sea in the presence of fine company.

First Look at Brandy in rehearsals for Dancing With the Stars

Brandy is gearing up for her turn as a ballroom dancer on the hit ABC reality show Dancing With the Stars, and video of the R&B star burning up the dance floor has arrived. Okay, she doesn't really burn up the dance floor. In fact, she curses at herself for messing up a few moves, but B-Rocka still ends her routine with a smile on her face.

Watch Brandy get footloose with her dancing partner below

The Samson Effect: An exploration of male musicians and haircuts

R&B singer Lloyd, formerly of Irv Gotti's Murda Inc. label, made a bold announcement on VIBE.com last week when he decided to undergo the big chop. The singer who had hair as long and as silky as Chilli from TLC, built an identity that seemed somewhat synonymous with his hair. Whether it was juiced up with curl activator or braided up in elaborate cornrows, Lloyd seemed to take great pride in his long, flowing mane.

Lloyd says that his haircut is for a good cause (in this case his chopped strands will go to Locks for Love), but it's also likely that he is casting the die with an image makeover as he embarks on relaunching his solo career post-Murda Inc.

Even though hair styling is often more associated with women, hair has actually played a major role in the careers and livelihoods of men for ages. The biblical story of Samson, for example, tells the tale of a man who is blessed with immortal strength, so long as he doesn't cut his hair. When his lover, Delilah, betrays him and cuts his blessed mane, Samson becomes weak.

The same can hold true in pop music. For some artists, cutting their hair can be the equivalent of the Samson Effect, resulting in a loss of popularity, success and relevance. But others have used their newfound looks to their advantage, finding renewed success in their shorter dos. It's unclear right now which side of the coin Lloyd will fall on, but looking back on those who've gone down the path before him might give us a clue.

Check out the guys who've cut it all off in the name of change