Bark + Bite

Pop star video games just waiting to be made

There are many facets to being a recording artist. Sure, the musical talent is the most important part, but product development and endorsement can serve as a big cash cow. Musicians have transformed themselves into brands, hocking everything from perfumes, clothing lines, headphones and just about anything under the sun they think their fanbase would buy. But only the mega, ultra famous have reached one product peak: The video game.

The late King of Pop, Michael Jackson, has already crossed this threshold back in the 90s with his Michael Jackson's Moonwalker game for the Sega Genesis. And recently, he was given this honor again by Ubisoft with the release of the game Michael Jackson: The Experience. But who else would be a good fit for a video game and what would that look like? Here’s a look into what would be in store if some of the most popular artists had their own shot at their own video game: 

Michael Jackson and Akon's "Hold My Hand" video tries to fill the void with clips and imitators

Since somebody in Michael Jackson's estate doesn't want to leave well enough alone, we're now forced to sit through an unimaginative clip job of old Michael Jackson concert footage, spliced with new footage of Akon wincing in pain (it shows empathy), smiling people in colorful clothes dancing and shots of other people looking sad and up at the sky. This is why posthumous music videos kick rocks.

Watch Michael Jackson and Akon's new music video below

Britney and Janet want to save the babies from the fame monster

If Britney Spears and Janet Jackson had their way, there'd be a massive crater the size of the Grand Canyon between children and show business. Both Britney and Janet, being former child stars themselves, are well-poised to speak on the pitfalls of mixing children and the entertainment industry, but Britney, in particular, having been grinded through the teeth of the modern fame machine knows the ins and outs better than anyone. Guess Janet and Britney won't be checking out any Justin Bieber or Diggy shows any time soon.

In a new interview with Cosmo magazine, Britney punted on a real, in-depth interview and got by with a fill-in-the-blank questionnaire. Most of it was inane dribble about liking coffee and ice cream when she's depressed, (what no more pink wig escapades to chase away the blues?) but the fierce mama bear in Britney came out when she reached the question about how she would react to her sons entering show business. SOURCE: ONTD

If my sons told me they wanted to be in the entertainment business, I'd:
Lock them in their rooms until they turned 30

Looks like there won't be any future incarnations of the Mickey Mouse Club starring the Federline boys. The sharp daggers of celebrity have cut deep enough into Britney that she is now intent on protecting her sons from its shark-infested waters. Understandable, but in reality, kids are gonna do what they're gonna do. And besides, Britney's little sister Jamie Lynn had her own Nickelodeon show as a kid and she turned out...oh yeah, nevermind.

Joe Jackson can't muster up fondest memory with Michael

Joe Jackson has already provided ample evidence of his ineptitude as a responsible, caring father figure to his Jackson brood. His most famous son, Michael, spoke repeatedly of the brutality and ruthlessness of the man he called Joseph. But now that Michael has passed and is no longer here to speak on his behalf, Joe would like to rewrite history and pretend as though he was nothing but a loving parent, denouncing any discord between him and Michael as noise fueled by manipulative handlers. Go to bed, Joseph.

Today marks the one year anniversary of Michael's death and as such, Joe Jackson is in hot demand for media interviews. Joe sat down with a local Fox station in Ohio and talked about his son Michael's legacy, childhood and upbringing. He pretty much fibbed, lied and offered up generalities to most questions, but the most telling response came when the interview asked him what his favorite memory of Michael was.

Interviewer: Your most fondest memory of your son Michael Jackson?

Joe Jackson: I think it's when uh....he donated so much money to all the different people around the world cause of their problems. Yes.

Watch the interview of Joe Jackson below. The bit about his favorite memory starts around 6:30

One year later, Michael Jackson's death still haunts

For many, there was never a time where Michael Jackson was not at the forefront of pop culture. Bursting on the scene in the late 60s with his brothers as a part of the teen heartthrob group The Jackson 5, Michael has been recognizable almost his entire life. After his solo career took off with 1979's album Off The Wall and the best-selling album of all time, Thriller, Jackson entered the top of the pop stratosphere where he stayed for the remainder of his career.

Jackson created a different kind of fame. His music transcended every barrier imaginable and in many ways, he set the standard for entertainment. The level of perfectionism within his craft running concurrent with his increasingly eccentric lifestyle made him seem slightly superhuman. When he moonwalked across the stage, he defied the laws of psychics. When he shredded his t-shirt, grabbed his crotch and howled, he let the inner beast in him come alive. Michael was able to tap into a purely emotional place that touched people across the world. Once you saw or heard Michael Jackson, you didn't forget him. Which was why his premature death on June 25, 2009 last year was so shocking.

After almost a decade of life away from the spotlight, he was staging a comeback. He was in the throws of rehearsing a string of concerts called "This Is It" set to open at the O₂ Arena. Unfortunately, he never performed again. Jackson died three weeks before the first show leaving fans stunned. A year later, the feeling of loss is still fresh.

Joe Jackson wants to be the ultimate grinch

Is there a society or organization out there dedicated to awarding thoughtless and cruel parents with the "Evilest Parent of the Year" award? If so, let's nominate Joe Jackson. The latest news from the living cesspool of self-entitlement, greed and jealousy is that he's publicly blaming his own wife, Katherine Jackson, for Michael's death, due to her inability to remedy Michael's prescription drug addiction. And in yet another bid for a hefty payday, Papa Joe is suing AEG Live, the promoters and organizers of Michael's aborted final tour. Joe Jackson clearly wants someone to pay him homage, so here's his Jumento Award.

How Janet Jackson can turn her "Idol" momentum into lots of goodwill

The start of the millennium seemed to foreshadow another era of pop domination for Janet Jackson. She had a number one single and a hit movie. Her divorce from long time husband Rene Elizondo spawned an album, "All for You," celebrating the freedoms of the single life, which subsequently then spawned another successful, massive tour. Fast forward to half-time at Super Bowl XXXVII in 2004. After performing a medley of her own hits, out comes special guest Justin Timberlake and with one line ("Bet I have you naked by the end of this song") and a "wardrobe malfunction," everything went down hill from there.

What followed for Janet post-Superbowl was a string of failed albums and a tour plagued with illness. All the while there was talk of career extinction. To top it all off, her family suffered a dizzying blow when her brother, the King of Pop Michael Jackson, died suddenly in the summer of 2009. Things weren't all bad though. Jackson revived her long neglected movie career by taking a leading role in Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married" and "Why Did I Get Married Too".

But most recently Lady Luck seems to be looking Janet's way. After a few lackluster award show performances,  a surprise appearance on last week's "American Idol" finale had all the trappings of a comeback. Starting off with the tender ballad "Nothing" from the "Why Did I Get Married Too" soundtrack, Janet looked regal while singing the sweet love song.

The second part of the performance is when Janet really turned up the heat. Dressed in a body-hugging, black catsuit, Jackson exuded confidence and control of the stage as she performed her classic "Nasty." Though the stage was full of dancers and awash with lasers, all eyes were on Janet. Her curvy figure and palpable confidence were impossible to ignore. On the heels of such a dynamic performance it seems that Ms. Jackson is ready to once again take her rightful place at the top of the pop heap. But before she gets there, she'll need to make a few things happen first.

Janet Jackson roars back to life with "Idol" performance

Like a lion observing its prey from a shady bush, Janet Jackson unexpectedly pounced on the viewing audience of "American Idol" last night. For the past few years, Janet's music career has been on the rocks. Her last two albums, "20 Y.O." and "Discipline," were embarrassing flops. She's failed to land a viable hit on the Billboard Hot 100 since her 2001 album "All For You," and her album sales have plummeted, resulting in her split with two record labels, Virgin and Island Def Jam. Even her latest Greatest Hits album and the Darkchild-produced single to promote it fizzled on arrival. 

Janet just can't seem to catch a break in the music industry ever since her nipple made its national television debut. It's gotten so bad that her ex-boyfriend and producer Jermaine Dupri said that Janet would likely no longer record albums. After hitting the brick wall so many times, it is an understandable decision.

But that was before her head-turning hair cut and this heart-pumping performance on "American Idol." She opened with her "Why Did I Get Married Too?" ballad "Nothing," which was a restrained, soft lullaby that was pleasing to the ear for the most part. But the real Janet sprang to life as she launched into "Nasty" like she was still 25 years old. Sizzling with sensuality, confidence and charisma, Janet threw the audience into delirium as she executed her signature sharp choreography and effortlessly commanded the stage.

Guess Rihanna's not the only one who derives newfound strength from a hair cut. Welcome back, Miss Jackson.