Bark + Bite

Ranking the Voices of 10 Women in Pop

When it comes to sports, athletes are broken down and ranked according to their stats so that fans can contrast, compare and build fantasy leagues. So why not do the same for singers?

This post examines 10 women in pop music and breaks them down according to their vocal abilities. This is perfect as material for stan wars or just good background info for the less rabid pop music fan.

What is a millennium award and why is Beyonce getting one?

Beyonce Giselle Knowles is a pop legend. In her 10+ years in the music industry, Beyonce has outworked, outtwirked and outperformed many of her peers with ease and skill. She's sold countless albums, won 16 Grammys and she deserves almost every accolade she's been awarded. But Billboard's decision to award Beyonce the Millennium Award is a headscratcher. We're only 11 years into the new millennium and we've already decided to crown Bey the queen of the next 1,000 years?

Of course, Beyonce isn't the first artist to be awarded with a seemingly bizarre "millenium" award. Michael Jackson famously got a "millenium" award at the 2002 VMAs, or at least he thought he did. (Jackson fans will still argue that MTV pulled a switcheroo on Michael) But he actually got a real life millennium award from the World Music Awards in 2000.

Mariah Carey was also crowned the "best selling female artist of the millenium" that same year by the World Music Awards. Keep in mind that Soundscan only started tracking sales data in 1991, which means that Mariah only began "competing," if you will, in the last 9 years of the millennium. Also, take into consideration the fact that "records" of any form were only sold in the 20th century, rendering the "millennium" part of the award is pretty meaningless. Even Mariah herself seemed stumped about the accolade in her acceptance speech.

Mariah puts some glitter all over holiday classic "Auld Lang Syne"

You ever go to an amusement park and see those "Make Your Own Music Video" studios? You know, the ones where you can choose from pre-selected backgrounds (desert! the moon! 1970s disco!) as you and your friends clumsily lipsynch in front of a green screen?

Well, that's what Mariah decided to do for her music video to her cover of the New Year's anthem "Auld Lang Syne." One might be inclined to blame budget cuts, but the wind machine and expensive jewelry, that looks like it was snatched straight from Queen Elizabeth herself, made it in.

Watch the video and bless yourself with a Lamby New Year below

Mariah Carey keeps it jolly in throwback "Oh Santa" video

Mariah Carey is feeling festive, and not just because she's expecting a baby in the new year. In the cheery video for her bouncy new Christmas jingle "Oh Santa," Mariah throws back to the Sullivan Show with a 60s-inspired performance video featuring little girl cheerleaders, a mini choir, afro-wearing back-up dancers and Ol' St. Nick himself. Oh and of course the wind machine. Mariah never shoots a video without making sure there are shots of her mane flowing.

Watch Mariah spread holiday cheer in her brand new video below

Mimi's got a bun (in the oven): Mariah announces pregnancy, describes previous miscarriage

The endless speculation over Mariah's expanding waistline and plump cheeks can now come to a full halt, now that the obvious has finally been confirmed: Mimi's got a bun in the oven! Yes, the self-described eternal 12-year-old is expecting with her young cub of a husband, Nick Cannon. Though she's been somewhat guarded about confirming or denying the pregnancy, she also toyed with the media by wearing shirts in public like this. So even Mariah complains about the media interest, homegirl helped stoke that fire every now and then.

Mariah sat down with Access Hollywood and revealed that this wasn't her first pregnancy with Nick either. Roughly 2 years ago, the couple discovered she was with child, only to lose the baby in a miscarriage shortly after. The effect of their loss was devastating on Mariah, Nick said. But they've since recouped and recharged their batteries and are now ready to share their expectant bundle of joy. Contrary to the rumors, Mariah conceived naturally (yay for those 40-year-old ovaries puttin' in work) and she didn't take any fertility drugs (not the Octomama).

There's no word on the gender of the soon-to-be-born spawn of NiRiah, so coming up with names might be tough, but we have a few suggestions anyway.

Mariah Carey tries to recreate the past with new Christmas album cover

What in the PhotoShop hell is this? Mariah Carey unveiled the cover for her upcoming Christmas album, Merry Christmas II You, which as the "II" indicates is a sequel to her classic Christmas album Merry Christmas. She even dusted off the snug old Santa costume she donned for the first one.

Why is Mimi so stubborn? She got burned recently when she tried to pull off a sequel to her successful comeback album Emancipation of Mimi with the tepid E=MC2. Now she wants to revisit the classic that is her Christmas album?

And really, who needs an updated Christmas album anyway? One holiday album in a pop artist's repretoire is enough. The songs don't age Christmas after Christmas, unless you're foolish enough to date your material like 3LW did with songs like "X-Mas in the Hood."

The worst part of this whole project is that Mimi is going to re-record her Christmas hit "All I Want For Christmas Is You." Only Mariah, diva of all divas, would cover herself. If she dares to attempt a re-do of "Vision of Love" next year, may the music gods sabotage her recording equipment. You can't recreate history, no matter how bad you want the days of yesteryear to return.

Mariah Carey makes it to the Oscars but gets no TV time

Give Mariah Carey some credit. She went from the Razzie-nominated "Glitter" to the Oscar-nominated "Precious" within a relatively short time in her part-time acting career. And she made sure to hit the Oscar red carpet in her hottest of hot tamale dresses with her young pup Nick Cannon slinking behind in her shadow. No, Mariah wasn't nominated for any awards, but maybe she could get some time on camera if the film won Best Picture? Or maybe director Lee Daniels would give her a shout out if he won Best Director? Sadly, neither happened and the only actor who won anything for "Precious" was Mo'Nique for her role as the monstrous Mary. We, the television viewers, were robbed of a great Mimi moment.

Did they not SEE what Mariah did the last time she got on stage to accept an award for "Precious"? Eee-diots. They missed out on TV gold. And why couldn't they let Mariah at least present an award? They let washed up Jennifer Lopez present and she hasn't had a hit movie since 2005. Someone start a #mimiwasrobbed trending topic on Twitter. This is an injustice!

Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj just wanna have fun in "Up Out My Face" video

It's not clear if this is a Target commercial or a music video, but whatever it is, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are having a blast while doing it. Call it the "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" (Pretty Beauty Nail Salon) Remix.

Directed by Mariah's 20-something husband, comedian/actor/rapper Nick Cannon, Mariah and Nicki start out the video as living dolls trapped in a Made In China doll box. After spending some time batting their eyelashes and moving like animatronic Disney World dolls, the duo break out and shop, play nurse and get their nails did. This video isn't so much about a linear plot as it is a juxtaposition of Barbie vignettes. Mariah plays Evening Gown Barbie, Beverly Hills Barbie, Salon Barbie and Nurse Barbie, while Nicki Minaj plays her quirky, yet colorful sidekick. If you're confused on what purpose all this dress-up serves, don't think about it too hard. This is a Mariah Carey video. All it has to do is glitter and sparkle.

Watch Mariah Carey featuring Nicki Minaj in the "Up Out My Face" video below.