Bark + Bite

R. Kelly just wants to live his life

Why things gotta be so tough for a cornrow-wearing, bible-thumping, crotch-thrusting, fun-loving R&B thug? Why people gotta constantly bring up the past? So what if that guy in the video with the underage girl features a man who looks strikingly similar to R. Kelly, in a house that looks strikingly similar to a home R. Kelly purchased? The trial is over and R. Kelly is innocent. That means not guilty, y'all and dammnit, R. Kelly just wants to move on.

Are y'all feeling sorry for this buffoon? Cause I'm not.

While I'm a believer in the justice system, I'm also not an idiot and know that with the right lawyers and the right amount of money, criminals can get off the hook. Furthermore, in this exclusive interview with BET, R. Kelly was asked if he liked teenage girls, to which he replied, "When you say teenage, how old are we talking?" He then went on to say, "I have some 19-year-old friends, but I don't like anybody illegal if that's what we're talking about, underage."

Yeah, I wonder why people think you're still (an alleged) pedophile, Robert. I wonder why.

Disney worker can't get away with what R. Kelly got away with

R. Kelly might've gotten away with filming himself having sex with and pissing on a minor, but Disney employees can't get away it. A Disney employee was arrested for downloading three videos of child pornography on his computer. I guess Mickey wasn't amused. I don't think this is what Walt had in mind when he created "The Magical Kingdom."

R. Kelly fans overjoyed by trial verdict

SMH. The video speaks for itself. These bammas sound and look like they came straight out of "The Boondocks" episode about the R. Kelly trial.

BREAKING: They let R. Kelly off the hook

Well, looks like we can look forward to "Chocolate Factory 2," "12 Play the 4th Quarter," and many, many more albums from the R&B pied-piper. I guess I can't call him Pissy anymore since a jury has decided that that wasn't him on the videotape. Nah, he's still Pissy to me anyway. WTF was that jury thinking???? Did the mole argument convince them?

Robert 'Pissy' Kelly is not gonna testify

Silence is golden. So are golden showers. R. Kelly is refusing to testify and I'm not surprised. His dumbass would probably blurt out some dumb stuff talking about he just wanted to give her some "good, good lemonade."

R. Kelly trial update: The witness speaks

R. Kelly's genitals, bald head and hands are apparently very distinct. At least that's what Lisa Van Allen said yesterday in her testimony.  Van Allen did have a few skeletons in her closet come to light, such as the fact that she took $20k from the pied-piper to "lose" the threesome tape and the little case of kleptomania she had when she stole Kelly's $20k watch. While these actions definitely show poor judgment on Van Allen's part (she clearly had poor judgment to begin with when she decided to mess with Kelly), it doesn't discount her testimony in my opinion. So far, based on the evidence, I think Kelly's gonna do time.

Watch the latest report from CBS 2, Chicago affiliate.

Prosecution's star witness set to testify against R Kelly today

The moment we've been waiting for has finally arrived. The prosecution's (supposedly) lethal witness, Lisa Van Allen, is set to take the stage today in the trial against R. Kelly. Why is she such a big deal? Here's the hook(er): She claims she had a threesome with Kelly and the underage girl in the video for which he is being prosecuted for. Watch this video from CBS station in Chicago to find out more about the star witness.

One fun fact: She appeared in Pissy's "I Wish" video braiding his hair. That definitely means they go way back.

Is the prosecution planning on calling on R. Kelly's wife? They need to. I'm sure her used-and-abused ass can shed plenty of light on the situation.

R. Kelly trial heating up over urine, videotapes and moles

Pissy Kelly's long overdue child pornography has finally gotten off (ding!) to a great start. The jury has been selected and they've already shown the jurors the infamous sex tape (allegedly) starring the R&B pied-piper. The Defense's defense? The man in the video doesn't have a mole on his back like R. Kelly, therefore the in the video CAN'T be R. Kelly.

LMAO. Is that the best they can come up with? From my recollection, the video was so damn blurry that I find it hard to believe that you WOULD see a mole on his back anyway. These bammas are trying the Johnny Cochran "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit" approach. I don't know if it'll work, but either way, this trial is going to be a lot of fun. Peep the Kelly supporters acting a fool in this feed of R. Kelly trial news.