Bark + Bite

Ray J embarrasses himself in front of Brandy and fam in reality TV promo

Maybe this reality show starring Brandy and Ray J won't be such a train wreck after all. In a promo for the show, set to premiere in April on VH1, Ray J thinks he's all alone in the recording studio. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and just like those moments with the hair brush (or toothbrush) in the bathroom, proceeds to act a plum fool, doing the running man and trying out some Michael Jackson moves.

Unbeknownst to him, his big sister Brandy and her parents are watching him cut up from the other side of the glass. Judging by this clip, if they can keep a Cosby/Run's House vibe to the show, with lots of amusing situational humor like this, then the reality show could turn out to be a blessing for both Brandy and Ray J's careers.

Via: CherryConnect.com

Nicole Scherzinger signs up for Dancing With the Stars, music career falls into coma

Only two kinds of celebrities sign up to do old folk things like ballroom dancing on "Dancing With the Stars": Celebrities who haven't been relevant for more than 10 years (Priscilla Presley, George Hamilton, Steve Guttenberg) and celebrities who've lost their relevance in the past 10 years (Lil' Kim, Mario, Mya). Nicole Scherzinger, the only Pussycat Doll who had her mic turned on during concerts, fell headfirst into the latter category with the announcement that she would be joining the cast of the "celebrity" dancing reality show. It's a shame, really, cause it didn't have to end like this.

Ray J with two pussycats on the cover of Smooth, Mz. Berry nowhere in sight

For those who may have skipped out on the chicken coop that was "For the Love of Ray J 2," supposedly, Ray was on the path to finding true love with a cougarlicious mother of three that he had dubbed Mz. Berry. The reunion show, however, revealed that Ray had a little bit of trouble remaining true to his boo, as he had contacted several of the other women on the show prior to reuniting with Mz. Berry on TV. And so here we have Ray J in full pimp mode on the cover of Smooth magazine with two thick milkshakes, posing nonchalantly in the middle. Is Mz. Berry even still in the picture? "Love" doesn't have such a great track record in reality TV.

It's amazing how Ray has made the transformation from Moesha's kid brother to becoming a king of softcore porn, while his music has become Uncle Luke Lite. Kim Kardashian does a career good, no? First Ray J, now Reggie Bush. No one in Ray's family seems to mind his Tiger Woods-esque ways though. In fact, the whole family is teaming up with him for ANOTHER VH1 reality show. Only this one will chronicle their lives as the family tries to tackle showbiz. Let's hope Brandy's integrity makes it out of this whole affair intact. She's far too talented to be relegated to some cheap reality TV star status.

Neil Patrick Harris is a great replacement Paula Abdul on 'Idol'

Who knew Doogie Howser would turn out to be such a great judge on "American Idol"? For the past two weeks of audition episodes, most of the guest judges have been absolute bores, save for Mary J. Blige. They offer frustratingly vague banalities, exude little to no personality or parrot one of the other judges incessantly. Not so with Neil Patrick Harris. He brought his own milkshake to the yard and wasn't afraid to spit some sour balls at some of "talent" he was asked to judge.

NPH broke Dexter Ward's blonde fauxhawk heart, denying him his golden ticket to Hollywood, but his honesty wasn't the butcher knife sharp kind that Simon employs. He also wasn't stupidly sweet like Paula was, offering nonsensical compliments that have nothing to do with what he's tasked with judging. But just because he didn't share her always sunny disposition doesn't mean that Neil isn't a great replacement Paula. He possesses one of the key qualities that made Paula a force on 'Idol': (sexual?) tension with Simon Cowell. He got into playful on-air spats with Simon, such as in one scene where he exasperatedly complains, "Don't I get to say something? Geez Louise, you invite a guest judge on..." Simon rolled his eyes accordingly but a new star was born. If Neil had a marker near by he would've totally scribbled on Simon's face.

Of course, in order to REALLY take Paula's place, Neil will have to consume a lot more liquor, become more acquainted with painkillers and suffer a bout or two of exhaustion. And a duet with MC Skat Kat wouldn't hurt either.

Fantasia's new VH1 reality TV show is must-see TV for yours and mines

Everybody loves a Cinderella story. We root for the underdog and we cheer for David to slay Goliath. And when tatted-up, chickenhawk-wearing, single mother Fantasia Barrino was crowned the winner of the third season of American Idol, the world embraced her with open arms, blessing her with a double platinum album and chart-topping success. But over time, those rough edges that used to seem so endearing became embarrassingly sloppy. When Fantasia debuted "Hood Boi," her lead single for her sophomore album, the writing was on the wall and the album tanked. Even her biggest supporters, Simon Cowell included, openly questioned the direction 'Tasia was taking in her career.

But change gon' come, y'all. In the words of Fantasia, "2010 is mines." The American idol is firmly on the road to redemption and what better way is there to win back fans in this new age of Facebooks and Twitters, than to star in your own reality show and share your hot mess of a family, interspersed with scenes of you struggling to find your hit record, with the world? Keyshia Cole's crackhead mother, Frankie, and baby factory sister, Neffe, did wonder for Keyshia Cole Google ranking with her BET reality show and Fantasia is faithfully following the same recipe book. Although instead of a lazy, unbearably loud babymama sister, Fantasia has a no-good, do-nothin, slacker of an older brother named Teeny that she's housing. (The racial stereotypes on display are likely to make the NAACP regret those Image Awards they gave 'Tasia but hey, all's fair in showbiz and reality TV.)

Other memorable characters include her large-and-in-charge big Aunt, Bunny, her little man manager, Brian, her mother, Diane, and her daughter, Zion. No word on whether or not her cousins-in-hot-mess K-Ci and Jojo will make an appearance, but if they do, expect the buffoonery meter to go through the roof.

Watch the first episode of Fantasia's VH1 reality show "Fantasia for Real" below. You won't be disappointed.

Life without Simon for 'Idol'

Every good story needs a great villain. What's Batman without the Joker? Wolverine without Sabertooth? Taylor Swift without Kanye West? In the reality TV singing competition world, there was no bigger, nastier, snarkier dream crusher than American Idol's British judge, Simon Cowell. Except for maybe Diddy from Making the Band seasons 1 and 2, but that show didn't have nearly the cultural impact of Idol or Simon. When desperately hungry wannabe singers belted out their best note and smiled with a delusional sense of self-satisfaction, Simon was the voice of reality dropping on their aspirations like a ton of bricks. "That was dreadful," Cowell would say while shaking his head and crossing his arms in exasperation. The contestants either took the tongue lashing with grace, burst into tears or angrily fired back at Cowell's vitriol. It all made for television gold.

Cowell's snapping turtle nature immediately caught on with viewers and he became the unofficial barometer of most contestant's true talents. If Simon thought you were good, then the audience knew that they were pretty good. But after the first few seasons, Simon mellowed out, perhaps the tears of the rejected haunted him at night. And with his patty cake mate Paula Abdul exiting the show dramatically last year, it appears that Simon has grown bored of the whole Idol routine. Well, not really. He's actually looking to launch his OTHER reality TV singing competition called X-Factor Stateside, and word is Ms. Abdul will be joining him.

Nonetheless, Simon put on a sad face yesterday as he made the announcement that he would be leaving American Idol after this current season is over.

The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty isn't quite Being Bobby Brown, but Jermaine is a trip

(Images courtesy of A&E)

Jermaine Jackson is determined, at all costs, to be a star. He has faced, and somewhat accepted, the reality that he is currently viewed with any kind of interest by the public solely because of his links to his late brother Michael and the Jackson 5 legacy. But Jermaine is determined to let his magic shine through somehow, someway. Enter his latest Trojan horse, The Jackson: A Family Dynasty. As always, Jermaine cloaks his ambitions under the guise of "doing it for the family" but this is the Jermaine show and the debut episode gave the clay-faced Jackson brother plenty of time on the center stage.

Jermaine dropped hints throughout the show that his songs should be used for the new J5 album. While working on a new song, Jermaine badgered and argued with his brothers in the recording booth until eventually he was the only one in the booth, recording the vocals for one of their songs solo. Tito declared Jermaine's solo vocals a smash and the two of them walked out patting each other on the back. Jackie and Marlon weren't so amused and had the engineer erase the vocals which left Jermaine was hotter than an active volcano and stomping his feet like Angelica from "Rugrats." His brothers deleted HIS VOCALS! Jermaine's wife Halima, who looks like the inspiration for Jasmine from Disney's 'Aladdin,' tried to smooth things over with him at home, but there was no soothing that bruised ego of his. How dare they.

Below are the top five most hilarious moments from the premiere of The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty.

K-Fed: A reality TV super star in the making

Kevin Federline is about to embark on the best thing that has ever happened to him since ditching Shar Jackson for Britney Spears: He is going to star in a reality TV show.

Yesterday, word broke that K-Fed would be joining the babymama of two of his children, Shar Jackson, in the next edition of Celebrity Fit Club. K-Fed, or K-Fat as he known on some blogs, has packed on the pounds post-Britney, and it appears he's decided to do something about it. People magazine confirmed K-Fed's participation. Source: People.com

Kevin Federline is about to slim down.

The father of four, who was married to Britney Spears, is joining the cast of Celebrity Fit Club, a rep for VH1 confirms to PEOPLE

Reality TV is the perfect venue for washed-up celebs, never-were celebs and clinger-on demi-celebs like K-Fed because in order to thrive in reality TV, you must be vapid, lack talent and most of all, possess a stupefying lack of self-awareness. If you think I'm just being harsh for the sake of it, think of the power personalities in reality TV. Flavor Flav? Meets all the requirements. Bobby Brown? Meets all the requirements. Speidi? Meets all the requirements. K-Fed is in good company.

With K-Fed joining the ranks of reality TV, (Yes, I'm aware of his mini-reality series with Britney but that doesn't count. You aren't doing reality TV until you're on VH1 or MTV.) is the world ready for what K-Fed is bringing to party? Here's to some entertaining explosive arguments, tearful meltdowns and lots of unflattering screen captures of beluga whale K-Fed.

Rev. Run and Justine Simmons on how to maintain a happy family

The modern-day Huxtables, Rev. Run and Justine Simmons of the hit MTV reality show "Run's House," are out on their book tour to promote their book "Take Back Your Family - How To Raise Respectful and Loving Kids In A Dysfunctional World." However, just because the family strives to be happy, open and virtuous, doesn't mean that they haven't had their falls from grace. Jojo, the Rev's oldest son, had a run in with the law this year when he was arrested marijuana possession. See, wholesome, involved, two-parent households can produce screw-ups too!

In an interview with Hiphollywood.com the Rev and his wife talked broke down a few tips on building a successful family life, and the Rev even touched on Jojo's arrest in the video, saying "I'm always listening to what my wife is saying, trying to hear what is Jojo saying, what's Diggy saying, what's Vanessa saying, before I have to hear that great yell, "Dad! I'm in jail or whatever." Well, that means in Jojo's case Rev was either a little tone-deaf, or Jojo had himself on mute.

Watch the interview with Hiphollywood below.

Diddy's Starmaker: Low on talent, high on laughs

Diddy is quickly making himself a one-stop shop for MTV's reality shows. He's produced three installments of the "Making The Band" series, he's produced another series JUST OF HIM ASSEMBLING HIS BACKING BAND, and now Diddy is going after American Idol territory, lending his name and face to MTV's talent show competition Starmaker.

If last night's debut is any indication of the level of the talent the show can produce, then we're all in for an underwhelming, disappointing display of karaoke, amateurish singing. But if you're in it to watch great train-wreck reality TV, then Starmaker is looking like a very ripe piece of fruit.

The judges panel consists of four judges: producer Rodney "Darkchild" Jerkins (Starmaker's Randy Jackson), Tamara Coniff (Starmaker's Simon Cowell) and Laurie Ann Gibson (Awkwardly playing Starmaker's Paula Abdul). The judges' reactions and comments keep the show entertaining, although Laurie Ann pretending to be as sweet and demure as Paula Abdul alternates between hilarious and irritating. Tamara is the only one who seems grounded in reality. Rodney goes being right on to the money, to making outlandish remarks such as when he told Melody, who sang Pink's "So What", "YOU JUST CREATED YOUR OWN GENRE OF MUSIC! PUNK SOUL!" The woman slapped on a leather jacket and a graphic tee, and she bounced up and down on the stage to a Pop/Rock song by Pink. That counts as a new genre of music, Rodney? Get your mind right.