Bark + Bite

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 KELLY CLARKSON / STRONGER
- The most relevant artist left from American Idol takes the throne. You mad, Justin Guarini?

2 ADELE / SET FIRE TO THE RAIN
- Following Kelly Clarkson, this makes for back-to-back bitter hits in the number 1 and 2 slots. The Billboard Hot 100 is salty and it knows it.

3 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- The only person not getting a good feeling from this Flo Rida track is his former assistant who's suing him for allegedly paying her Chinese factory worker wages.

4 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- What can be done to make Talk That Talk more than just a one-hit single album?

5 DAVID GUETTA FEAT NICKI MINAJ / TURN ME ON
- Isn't shouting "TURN ME ON!" at a lover about as appealing as shouting, "JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!"?

6 JESSIE J / DOMINO
- And for her next trick, Jessie J will impersonate Lady Gaga on her next single!

7 TYGA / RACK CITY
- Just in time for the recovery, Tyga has gifted America with a perfectly grimey "get money" anthem.

8 SNOOP DOGG AND WIZ KHALIFA FEAT BRUNO MARS / YOUNG, WILD AND FREE
- Smoke weed every day. The 2012 remix.

9 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- Now certified Super Bowl sexy.

10 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- Bruno was probably one of those kids who took the death of a goldfish to heart.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 ADELE / SET FIRE TO THE RAIN
- Will the video for this feature Adele sitting or standing? The suspense is killing us.

2 KELLY CLARKSON / STRONGER
- It never hurts to lean on a good, old faithful idiom like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" in pop music.

3 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- So how does this fluffy song jive with the new "Thug Life" tatts RiRi is sporting on her knuckles?

4 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- Oh. Nevermind then. If Flo Rida can pull the "thug who does dance" thing, then why can't Rihanna?

5 DAVID GUETTA FEAT NICKI MINAJ / TURN ME ON
- "We can get it in, chiropractor." What next, Nicki? "I'm gonna dig in, proctologist"?

6 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- Bruno should move to Southern California. It never rains there.

7 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- Why didn't this song ever get the Rick Ross remix treatment? He has sexy man breasts for days.

8 JESSIE J / DOMINO
- Two Brits in the American top 10. Close the gates, they're taking over again!

9 KATY PERRY / THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
- Nice try, Katy. You ran a good campaign.

10 TYGA / RACK CITY
- If Kat Stacks wasn't locked up, this would be her jam.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 ADELE / SET FIRE TO THE RAIN
- At that's left is for Adele to take over the throne of England, at this point.

2 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- It's been a wild roller coaster, but it looks like the world is finally ready to get off.

3 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- Will this track get sympathy sales thanks to Etta's passing? Do enough people even know that's her voice sampled on the hook?

4 DAVID GUETTA FEAT NICKI MINAJ / TURN ME ON
- Why can't the rap section of this song be a full 8 or 16 bars?

5 KATY PERRY / THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
- Those acoustic remix dollars didn't spend very far, did they?

6 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- Sorry, Brunz. We're all out of morphine. Children's Tylenol and a half-eaten Flintstones vitamin will have to do.

7 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- Wouldn't the Old Spice guy have been perfect for a brief monologue on this song?

8 KELLY CLARKSON / STRONGER
- Misery doesn't love company, it just loves Kelly Clarkson.

9 JAY-Z & KANYE WEST / N**GAS IN PARIS
- Eff Kanye and Jay-Z's couch for being too damn lazy to give us a video for this monster jam.

10 JESSIE J / DOMINO
- She had to dress herself up as a Katy Perry knockoff, but Jessie J finally find her way to the top of the charts.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- Did Rihanna pop the Billboard chart version of Viagra? Cause she's lasting forever.

2 ADELE / SET FIRE TO THE RAIN
- The annoying part of it all is that Adele doesn't even have to try to top the charts anymore. When's the last time she did any promo for 21? Exactly.

3 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- That good feeling Flo Rida is talking about is all the iTunes coins the world keeps dumping in his bank account.

4 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- Threatening to burst into tears might not be the most manly way to make a woman stay, but hey, it works.

5 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- This one goes out to Tinky Winky.

6 KATY PERRY / THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
- Sit tight, Katy. Throw out the polka version of "The One That Got Away" and see if that pushes the single over the top to the #1 slot.

7 JAY-Z & KANYE WEST / N**GAS IN PARIS
- Given Kanye's own pouty persona, you'd think he'd shout out Stephanie Tanner over the Olsen Twins. How rude!

8 TYGA / RACK CITY
- Bringing the dirty bass of the strip clubs to your local radio station and the masses. Get it, Granny!

9 SNOOP DOGG FEAT WIZ KHALIFA AND BRUNO MARS / YOUNG, WILD AND FREE
- There's always room for a little 'puff, puff, pass' action when it comes to musicians. Right, Rihanna?

10 DAVID GUETTA FEAT NICKI MINAJ / TURN ME ON
- The noisy remix to "Only Girl in the World" that no one asked for. Congrats to Nicki on another hit, nonetheless.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- So potent that you get contact high from listening to this audio extasy.

2 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- This song is the product of someone convinced that he's dripping swagu.

3 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- It ain't love if it doesn't hurt a little.

4 ADELE / SET FIRE TO THE RAIN
- Like a bull in a china shop, Adele is on a man-hating spree.

5 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- "You're looking at the king of the jungle now." Oh, so you Mufasa, Flo?

6 KATY PERRY / THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
- And the sixth number 1 officially "got away" from Katy.

7 JAY-Z & KANYE WEST / N**GAS IN PARIS
- These fools ain't never gonna record a video for this song, are they?

8 JASON MRAZ / I WON'T GIVE UP
- Who are the people that make up the Jason Mraz fan base?

9 LMFAO / PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
- This is one hell of a New Year's hangover.

10 ADELE / SOMEONE LIKE YOU
- This song's instrumental are simultaneously suited for a car commercial and a funeral. Impressive.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- Grape smugglers are stepping into 2012 with the right foot forward.

2 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- Now that you found love, RiRi, what are you gonna do with it?

3 KATY PERRY / THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
- That sixth number one is looking like it's slipping further from the former Mrs. Brand's grasp.

4 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- Since it's raining, Bruno should feel free to stand under Rihanna's umbrella-ella-ella, ey.

5 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- "You're looking at the king of the jungle now." Oh, so you Mufasa, Flo?

6 LMFAO / PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
- Who brought 2011 leftovers into 2012?

7 JAY-Z & KANYE WEST / N**GAS IN PARIS
- Performing this song at the extremely formal Grammys would be awkward, no?

8 ADELE / SET FIRE TO THE RAIN
- So on top of Adele selling a kajillion albums, she's also pretty damn good at selling singles. How?

9 ADELE / SOMEONE LIKE YOU
- Leave this heavy baggage in the old year, along with Adele's damaged vocal cords.

10 GYM CLASS HEROES FEAT ADAM LEVINE / STEREO HEARTS
- Put this stereo on mute already and hide the defibrillator. No mas.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- All that dry humpin' in speedos has finally paid off for hip pop clown princes.

2 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- Is America's Best Dance Crew coming back? Some of those crews would slay this song.

3 KATY PERRY / THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
- With the fresh news of her divorce from Russell Brand, guess that makes it two that got away from Ms. Perry.

4 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- "There'll be no sunrise, if I lose you, baby," Bruno mans. Sunlight is overrated anyway. Pale skin for life.

5 JAY-Z & KANYE WEST / N**GAS IN PARIS
- Can't wait to hear a sequel to this and see where these "n**gas" head next. "N**gas in Tokyo" is gonna be so sick.

6 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- Anyone else notice that Flo Rida threatens to run for president in this song? Herman Cain, watch yo' back.

7 ADELE / SET FIRE TO THE RAIN
- Is Adele a pyromaniac? She's always talking about burning something down.

8 ADELE / SOMEONE LIKE YOU
- Every rose has its thorn, but Adele has more than most.

9 LMFAO / PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
- Guess a whole lot of kids were gifted this track for Christmas.

10 BIG SEAN FEAT NICKI MINAJ / DANCE (A$$)
- Jay-Z and Kanye aren't the only dynamic hip hop duo in the top ten now. Bodacious.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100

Top 10 Songs in the US

1 RIHANNA / WE FOUND LOVE
- And Rihanna breaks another record, smashes expectations and hurts Ciara's feelings all over again with another week at #1.

2 LMFAO / SEXY AND I KNOW IT
- Do the men of LMFAO have a crotch-first Calvin Klein ad in their near future thanks to this packaged hit?

3 BRUNO MARS / IT WILL RAIN
- If Bruno is promising to control weather, does that make him Storm from X-Men's little cousin or something?

4 FLO RIDA / GOOD FEELING
- Can anyone recite a whole Flo Rida or does everyone just memorize the hook and move on?

5 KATY PERRY / THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
- Katy says she was his June and he her Johnny Cash. But if she really wants to compare herself to a couple that embodies faith, respect and commitment, she should've used Britney and K-Fed as an example.

6 JAY-Z & KANYE WEST / N**GAS IN PARIS
- The NAACP tried to bury the n word, but instead, it ended up in the top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100. Whoops.

7 ADELE / SOMEONE LIKE YOU
- This is like Adele's version of "Cry Me a River," but without the bangin' Timbaland and the celebrity drama behind it.

8 DAVID GUETTA FEAT USHER / WITHOUT YOU
- If DJ David Guetta can have a comeback as a recording artist, why can't DJ Clue?

9 MAROON 5 FEAT CHRISTINA AGUILERA / MOVES LIKE JAGGER
- Adam Levine is going to be stuck playing this song at bar mitvahs well into his 40s.

10 T-PAIN FEAT LILLY ALLEN AND WIZ KHALIFA / 5 O'CLOCK
- The line about hoping he'd "creep in" is very disturbing in a "don't-my-no-no-place" kind of way.

SOURCE: Billboard Hot 100